A HUG?
by Gypsy5
Summary: Set at the end of barge of the dead an ectra secne? From Chakotays POV I have changed it slightly what do you think now?


A HUG  
  
DISCLAIMER; PARAMOUNT OWNS STAR TREK VOYAGER This is my alternative last scene for The Barge of the Dead.  
  
A HUG?  
  
I walk by them on my way to the lift, both of them smile but neither stops she reaches out and touches my arm as we pass.  
  
He has his arm around her shoulders and she's leaning on him. A smile plays on my lips times they are a changing. My B'Elanna wouldn't be seen dead leaning on anyone, but she's not my B'Elanna any more she belongs to him; Paris. What else did I expect everyone's moving on even B'Elanna and Tom.  
  
I feel like I'm on the out side looking in. * Damn I'm starting to sound bitter.*  
  
I'm glad for them really I am. She deserves to be loved everyone deserves to be loved.  
  
But it still makes me feel better to know he's aware that if he ever hurts her I'd kill him. His face when I told him. I thought he was about to tell me to mind my own business, and really he'd of been right. I'm not even sure why I did it. Maybe because B'Elanna's my family and I hers, for so long now. To see her hurt would be more than I could bear.  
  
But you could have knocked me over with a feather, when looking me straight in the eye Tom replied;  
  
"Chakotay, if I ever hurt her I'd want to die."  
  
He meant it; and that's when I knew he loved her and would always be there for her. A terrible thought pops into my head, I'm beginning to like Tom Paris. Damn I'm going to have to watch that. If he finds out there will be hell to pay and Paris is cocky enough.  
  
Both of them know where I'm going and that's why they didn't stop. It's not their fault. This has been building for a while, if it wasn't her today it would have been me tomorrow.  
  
I continue towards sick bay and walking in I see Kathryn sitting with her head in her hands.  
  
The Doctor notices my approach and nods. He's becoming more thoughtful as the years pass but he'd never admit it. Kes would be pleased. Moving now toward his office, to leave us alone he's inclining his head toward her.  
  
He'd called me down; Of course I knew what they were doing. But when he told me what had happened as B'Elanna came round I felt my heart starting to break. B'Elanna is not known for hugging, there again neither is Kathryn. Few people hug her in fact I think the last one was Kes. It's a shame really she's so tactile but hugging would be crossing the barrier.  
  
But the effect of the hug on Kathryn could not have been foretold. Not by them. She's been holding onto her emotions for so long now it's become second nature to her, but the show of love & affection from B'Elanna was just too much.  
  
The doctor's call to me was one of concern for a friend. The fact he thinks I can help speaks volumes of the relationship the crew and even the Doctor think we have. If only that were true, we wouldn't be here now.  
  
But she's my friend my very best friend and I can't ignore what's in front of me. I look down at her now trying to understand how we ever came to this?  
  
A woman who's trying desperately to hold on to the last piece of her self control, and a man who needs her to let go.  
  
The Doctor was only partly right when he said she was close to the edge. The part he doesn't know is she's not the only one, but she does.  
  
Since the events during Scorpion then Equinox we've both been hurting. We've been hurting each other for some time now. Strange thing is neither of us means to do it, but it's so hard to stop.  
  
But it's better to be hurt than ignored.  
  
I couldn't take being ignored not by her. And I don't believe I have it in me to ignore her. I think that's why we continue to inflict the pain, it's better than nothing.  
  
We couldn't be apart.... I just couldn't.  
  
Sometimes I think how it was. That's all that keeps us from....Spirits... I can't think like that. I have to remember how it used to be, how it could have been. Once we were easy together, we had all the time in the world.or at least we thought so.  
  
But..times.. so damned elusive, it just carries on ticking.  
  
When was the last time I flirted with her on the bridge, or made her laugh? When was the last time she touched my arm or gave me the smile she saves only for me?  
  
Thinking about it like that, neither of us does that anymore. There in lies our problem. Now we are so polite we could almost be strangers.  
  
I'm standing right behind her now I can feel her warmth, smell her scent.*God Kathryn.* still I'm unsure as to my next action do I speak or touch her. Usually it's Kathryn who initiates any contact between us.  
  
I rarely do, *why is that?* She's turning toward me now; she heard me come in "Chakotay" the tears in her eyes are evident and she knows it. Knows I can see them, and for the first time ever she lets me see them fall.  
  
Control slipping away.  
  
She's standing now and twisting her hands nerves? So unlike her; my friend; my Captain. Damn it, I'm a bundle of nerves too, but she's lifting her head and I let her see the tears in my eyes. I can feel them falling but I'm unwilling to stop them.  
  
My control slipping away.  
  
Letting her see my tears; so she can add them to what I've already given her my soul. Standing there I watch her still unsure of what to do, then I catch the Doctor's eye which isn't hard; at that moment he's climbing to balance on a chair. Standing up he starts waving his arms in the air. I'm desperately trying to understand why, good now he's stopped waving maybe I will. No! Damn him, now what's he doing? some type of mime. At times like these you have to wonder about the sub routines regarding his sense of humour? Is his brand of medicine based on charades? God know why I'm wondering if this is anything to go by it's a certainty. He's lost a micro chip.  
  
*I'll have to tell Kathryn later*. Damn now I'm making notes in my head to tell Kathryn the strange things the Doc's up to. The need to tell her of my day is beyond my control.  
  
Then I get it, smack between the eyes like being hit by a steam train. He's telling me to hug her. I'm angry with myself now; once upon a time no one would have had to tell me to hug her. Where did all the time go?  
  
What's happened to us? Were we ever us? Or are we just destined to always be in this limbo of growing distant, always together but forever apart? A man could go mad thinking about this.  
  
Then I hear myself saying her name  
  
"Kathryn"  
  
She's looking at me again eyes filled to the brim, tears rolling down her cheeks, she reaches up and wipes her face with the back of her hand.  
  
Just that one gesture. It's my undoing she looks so defenceless and right now I'm just as vulnerable. But she knows that.  
  
"I need you" her words so quiet I almost miss them. I stop breathing.  
  
"I love you" there I've said the words, I watch her for a reaction. She can destroy me with one word. But now I know she never will, the look in her eyes tells me so;  
  
"Chakotay" never has my name been said with so much tenderness. I catch her eyes again with mine and hold them as she says "I love you"  
  
I have to say or do something. Breathing might be a good idea right now.  
  
"Kathryn, can I have a hug"  
  
Moving into my arms she speaks just one word;  
  
"Always"  
  
My tears mix with hers as we hold each other maybe forever.  
  
PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK. I can't get better without it.  
  
  
  
LIKE IT OR HATE IT. THANKS 


End file.
